Um, sorry about your brother
by dhalpin3
Summary: So just how did Illyana and Kitty get back together? Set just after Epilogue Three in X-Men battle of the atom chapter 10. Something happened that allowed them to connect again. This is my take. Minor update


**Um, sorry about your brother**

Author's note: So just how did Illyana and Kitty get back together? Set just after Epilogue Three in X-Men battle of the atom chapter 10. Something happened that allowed them to connect again. This is my take.

Part 1: Now what...

_"... and that's why we need an end to our differences"_ Scott finished an impromptu slightly impassioned speech in Beast's lab. The future X-Men had just departed via the time cube with the bodies of the fallen, including Illyana's brother from the future. _"Will he ever shut up"_ mumbled Kitty. Scott was trying to convince Henry about some nuanced point that Henry was obviously disregarding out of hand (major hand waving and some minor finger wagging ensued).

The group was beginning to break up, subdividing into the usual cliques or routines. Wolverine was already off in search of a beer (and the truth be told something quite a bit stronger). Ororo had left just after Login departed (oh so subtle) so likely not much imagination needed as to what the two were doing. Magneto and Emma (bitch!) were already gone _"Hmm where did they go? I guess Yana (I mean fake Yana) port'd them back to wherever the heck they're lurking at." _ Bobby was observing the Scott/Hank dialogs and injecting the usual _"yea but", "you suck"_ and other comments of even lesser applicability. _"Bobby we are sooo done"_ thought Pryde. Kitty turned her back on the quarrelsome trio only to overhear _"...uck you and the horse you flew in on!"_, there was a flash of light and Scott was gone. _"Guess Illyana left and took the murdering blowhard with her"_ Kitty though as she frowned _"Serves him right, yanked out in mid angry finger pointing pontification. Real classy Bobby" _Kitty thought_ "You've get to come up with better arguments, there's a reason you're not teaching debate or critical reasoning"_.

Kitty left the lab and phased up to the school's grounds. _"Now what"_ thought Pryde, "_can't stay here anymore, can't leave the x-kids here, but what to do_"? Kitty started to wander the garden paths in thought _"Avengers are a no go, the FF are all F'd up so that's out. Shield? Yea right. Doom? Double yea right. Can't remain here but got no place to go, hmmm". _Suddenly Lockheed landed on her left shoulder, wrapped himself around her neck and nuzzled her behind her right ear. "_Who's a good dragon ..."_ Kitty murmured to Lockheed as she lightly scratched where his wings and back met "_Who's a good dragon ..."._

Pryde suddenly realized her random steps had taken her into the monuments to the fallen part of the garden. Up ahead was the statue to Peter _"Dead, now not dead, but future dead self sent back to future" _thought Kitty. _"This whole set of statues is really somewhat problematic, I mean we raise monuments to the fallen just to have them come back and fall again"_. As Kitty walked around a bush she suddenly noticed that somebody was kneeling in front of Colossus's status, their back to Kitty. It was her, Illyana (the fake?).

Kitty had always felt very uneasy and tense around this re-embodied image of Yana. Her Yana would never have done the things this Yana did. This Yana had tortured Kitty's students in limbo, ripped Pixie's soul apart, what the new mutant team went though was unforgiveable and allowing Peter to become the Juggernaut was a emotional wound that would not go away. As Kitty turned to go she heard _"That was not a very nice thing to say"_. Kitty reluctantly turned back _"What do you mean by that? What are you talking about" _she replied to Illyana's back.

_"Yeah, but who trusts you. You said that back in the lab back when I first explained that the second set of X-Men from the future was the good guys because I brought them"_ Illyana replied. _"That wasn't very nice or necessary, I was just trying to explain"_ Illyana continued. Kitty noticed a tone in Illyana's voice that she had not heard before. Prior conversations and brief encounters with this new and oh so not improved Yana had always had a coldish or standoffish tone, dry, slightly disconnected, like she was not talking with people but talking to abstract people. Now this Yana sounded slightly contemplative, hesitant, and somewhat sad, sort of like the Yana of old.

Kitty nibbled her lower lip, _"I should go"_ she thought, _"But go where"_? She paused in indecision. She replied to Illyana back _"Well who does trust you?_ _I mean look at what you've done since you've returned._ _Who haven't you screwed over since you came back"_, Kitty suddenly found herself unleashing a flood of words that she had always wanted to say_. "Pixie will never be the same, Victor counts himself lucky he just lost an arm, your old pals, the new mutants, were all traumatized by the whole vengeance on the elder gods and give me back my soul SNAFU. There's not a student on this campus who would want to be near you, heck half the ones you met in limbo would cut your throat if given half a chance after what you did to them. We still have some of them waking up with panic attacks thinking that they're back in limbo and your about to get them. You hang out with Scott, that murdering bastard, and Emma that oh so icy bitch. OMG your even dressing like that exhibitionist skank, skin tight short shorts and a boob window for crying out loud. As a junior Phoenix you apparently created some kind of franchised subdivision of hell on earth and sadistically tortured those whom you imprisoned there. "Rogue told us all about it! Illyana would never have done those thing. You are NOT my Yana! You're a sick twisted limbo creature just pretending to be Yana! And Peter, God Peter, just when things were starting to work out for us you had to go and let him touch that blasted stone so the man I loved was gone replaced by ..." _Kitty slowly wound down the avalanche of words, suddenly remembering that a version of Peter had just died and that this Illyana appeared to be in some sort of mourning. She noticed that Illyana's back had stiffened and she felt Lockheed tense up. _"And um... I'm sorry about your brother"_ Kitty lamely ended the diatribe.

Kitty again turned to go _"Gee"_ she thought _"That did not go nearly as well as I had always imaged it would, and I complain about Bobby, geeze"_. She paused as she heard _"Kitty, can we talk, I mean really talk for just once"_? Again Kitty nibbled her lip in indecision. "_What could we possible talk about"_ she thought. Lockheed relaxed and nuzzled her hair which helped Kitty decide. Kitty turned back and strode over to where Illyana was keeling. _"Ok, but I'm not really sure what we could possibly say to each other"_ Kitty stated as she sat down next to the keeling Illyana.

Silently they both sat there for a time. _"Have you ever heard the story about the toad and the scorpion"_ ask Illyana. _"I think so" _replied Kitty "_It's a morality tale about not trusting those who do not deserve trust"_. Illyana nodded once in agreement _"My mother used to tell the story back when I was young"_ Illyana replied _"She had lots of stories about not trusting strangers, it's kind of a Russian thing_. _Mama's version went like this":_

Part 2: The story

One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where she lived and decided that she wanted a change. So she set out on a journey through the forests and hills. She climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until she reached a river.

The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. She couldn't see any way across. So she ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that she might have to turn back.

Suddenly, she saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. She decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.

"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"

"Well now, Mrs. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you won't try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.

"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"

"Alright then...how do I know you won't just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, her sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.

Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove her stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"

The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drowning frog's back.

"I could not help myself. It is my nature."

Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.

Self destruction - "It's my Nature", said the Scorpion...

Part 3: Musings in the shadow of Peter part1

_"Ok"_ Kitty slowly replied _"so where does this conversation go"?_ _"It's your nature so that makes it ok"? "No" _replied Illyana _"It's just a story about a rather naive frog and a scorpion with poor impulse control_. _But the story makes me wonder, what if the scorpion was not always a scorpion"? _ Kitty shifted slightly on the gravel and tilted her head in question, _"What do you mean"_ she asked. _"What if the scorpion did not know its nature until it was too late" _asked Illyana. _"What if the story went like this"?_

Part 4: The story retold

One day She woke up, this was not a ordinary day, this was the first day. She opened her eyes (eyes I have eyes) for the first time and looked upon the world. "What wonder is this" she thought. She wiggled her body, why I have legs (several in fact) and these long arms that end in cute little pinchers, and a tail as she looked up with her eyes with a rather mean looking sting.

Now the new creature did not have much time to contemplate her new existence before she was set upon by a host of similar looking creatures who were not at all nice. They attacked the new creature and caused her great pain and suffering. She defended herself with all that she had and all of the instincts that she possessed. She found that she knew how to fight and to attack. This went on for quite a long while and defined the entirety of her existence.

One day, she looked around at the mountain where she lived and decided that she wanted a change. So she set out on a journey through the forests and hills. She climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until she reached a river.

The river was wide and swift, and the she stopped to reconsider the situation. She couldn't see any way across. So She ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that she might have to turn back.

Suddenly, she saw a creature that did not look like her or like the others (a frog in fact) sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. She decided to ask the creature for help getting across the stream (but of course the creature could not be trusted, all creatures wished her harm, all had tried to harm her, all had lied and tricked her before; whenever she had trusted any of them she had always been betrayed and had suffered great harm).

"Hellooo Mr. (well I'm not sure, what are you, you don't look like me)!" called the she across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"

"Well now, Mrs. Scorpion I'm a frog. How do I know that if I try to help you, you won't try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.

(Hmm, what trick is this she thought, I'll play along) "Because," she (I guess I'm a scorpion) replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!" (like duuu)

"Alright then...how do I know you won't just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion (as she now had a name for what she was), "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. She crawled onto the frog's back, her sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so she would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.

Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove her stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?".

She shrugged and replied "Because I know how to swim, I was just luring you into a position to attack". "Why so confused, I just did unto you before you did unto me".

"But I was really trying to help you" croaked the frog as he croaked (the world was filled will cruel puns back then).

She swam the rest of the way to the bank and then contemplated the frog's words...

Part 5: Musings in the shadow of Peter part2

_"Ok"_ said Kitty _"not much better"._ _"Sounds like you're trying to say it's not your fault that you're a psycho"? "No" _replied Illyana _"It's just a story about a scorpion that did not know the rest of the world is not made up of scorpions_. _She made choices that later on she starts to wonder if they were correct". _Kitty contemplated this for a moment, and then decided to ask the question she had been wanting to ask for many months. "_Ok, I've got to ask, who are you, I mean who are you really? Are you really Illyana returned from the dead or just something that looks like her"?_

Illyana was quiet for a moment and then sighed. She shifted her stance from kneeling to sitting. _"Honestly, I wish I knew"_ Illyana replied. _"In the beginning well no, I had Yana's memories/experiences but I was ruled by my nature, by what I was, by what I had been made into, by what was required to survive_. _By the time I realized what I was and what I had been, and that there might actually have been alternate choices, Pixie's soul was in taters, Belasco (curse him for all eternity) was dead and you were urging caution while Piotr was asking if it was me. I burned with horrified shame and self loathing. I was a demon in form and in deeds and in thought. I did not know what to do and I certainly could not undo what I had done. I could not stand the shame of my actions and gagged at what I found myself to be. I guess I had a choice at that moment, breakdown or run away, I guess I ran in that I sent all of you home and locked limo tight as a drum. Every once in a while I could feel somebody scratching to get in, Stephen or Pixie I suppose"._

_"For me Inferno had just ended, I had turned my powers upon myself and had caste out the darkness, another Illyana, a younger un-soiled Illyana had been caste out of limbo and I was done, I was gone, I was dead. Then I was again as if no time had passed at all, but now I was in pain, horrible agony, I awoke as it were to find myself in hell. At first I did not really recall who I was, all I could hear was the hated voice screaming at me over and over (NOT HER, YOU ARE NOT HER, NOT HER, NOT HER) while that same voice inflicted ... pain). After an eternity he tired of expressing his disappointment and cast me into limbo like a broken toy"._

_"Things are rather hazy during that time; my identity kept briefly flickering into existence but then would fade out again. I had her memories but not complete understanding. All I really had were the instincts that allowed me to survive as a demon in limbo. You know how that story went; you were there at its ending. If only you and Piotr had been there at its beginning". _

Kitty sat there quietly. _"Um, do you mind if I hold Lockheed for a moment" _Illyana suddenly shifted the conversation _"assuming that he'd let me of course"_ she swiftly followed. Kitty was slightly perplexed, this was not a request that she would have expected from this other Illyana, this sounded like something that the original Yana might have asked. _"Um his choice, it's ok if he's willing"_ Kitty relied. Yana turned her head and looked at Kitty and Lockheed for the first time, "_Well Lockheed, please..."_ Illyana lightly patted her lap. Lockheed uncurled from Kitty's neck and looked Kitty in the eye, _"Its ok stinker"_ Kitty said, _"You can if you feel like it"._

Lockheed turned to look at Illyana for a moment and then leaped into her lap. He put his front legs on Illyana's shoulders and put his face inches from Illyana's, smoke slightly curling from his nostrils. Illyana stared back and then slowly scratched under his chin with her right hand_. "Who's a good dragon ..."_ Illyana lowly crooned to Lockheed _"Who's a good dragon ..."._ Lockheed continued to stare into Illyana's eyes for a few more moments, and then settled into her lap like a cat taking ownership, claws kneading her thighs like a kitten looking for milk. Lockheed started to purr in contentment as Illyana scratched behind his ears and continued with her story.

_"I was confused and angry for a long time. Back when this all began I was but new born yet burdened with conflicting motives and desires. Mentally I was still the seventeen Illyana, though I actually had only been alive for two days. I knew what I had been and I knew I was not as I wished. At one point I gathered up my courage and left limbo to seek you and Piotr. I figured if you and Peter could accept me as I appeared, if you can see the "me" that was trapped within this demonic shell, if I could somehow be loved then that would allow me to escape what I had become. Instead I found the mansion in ruins, you and Peter were gone and my courage evaporated. I fled back to limbo in shame. It was then that I decided that I would be unable to regain my soul via love, but only in conflict would I be able to regain my soul. Regain the me that I was not"._

_"It didn't get any better after I regained my Soul Sword. Piotr was sooo willing to forgive the crimes I had done against others, he was so happy that he had his supposed sister back he was not about to spoil it by finding out what and who I really was. Most folks were tense when I walked into the room and it's not like I really knew how to try to start talking to these people and banal platitudes is just not me (Gee sorry about your arm, I hope the new one feels better, want to play Nintendo?). Your students, the ones I tortured in limbo, were less then pleased to see me (regardless of what Scott, Piotr, or the new mutants said), things did not go well. On the third day I walked around a corner and bumped into Victor, Megan, and a few others who had been in limbo. At that time I was still having trouble keeping the horns from growing out from my head (thank the nameless that the tail and goat hoofs were gone). In short Pixie freaked and hallucinogenic dust was everywhere. Victor ended up soiling himself and curled into a ball. The others, well ... It was not a fun trip". _

_"The pull to regain my soul was an overwhelming obsession by that point. My moral compass, as it were, was a needle mostly just spinning. The Cuckoos were concerned and decided to try to take a look inside while I was sleeping one night to try to determine if I meant anybody harm (mostly to themselves, they are little Emmas after all). Now Emma had been mentally sniffing around, but heck I could block the Professor so nuff said on that; now the Cuckoos unfortunately decided to take telepathically look during a rather unpleasant dream, or to be more honest a recollection of a particularly bad time back when Belasco first stole me away to limbo. Once I realized that I was dreaming and that I had some rather novice telepathic voyeurs trapped in my nightmare, causing a rather nasty feedback loop that involved all of us, I woke up and permanently blocked them as I should have done (I had under estimated that whole hive mind thingy they have), but again bad time for all involved (I somehow doubt that involuntary S&M will ever be one of their fetishes)". _

_"The worse of it was that you were not there Kitty. Nobody told me that you were lost/trapped, heck nobody told me much of anything. I wish I had know, I would have had a difference quest at that point". Beast just kept poking at me like some kind of weird laboratory rat, Scott kept having meetings with Emma on what to do about me, most of the students were freaking out so I said heck with it and took off on my soul quest"._

_"After a few years of multi dimensional time travel in search of the amulet containing the bloodstones I returned to set in motion my plan to end the elder gods and regain my soul. At the end of my travels I had found the elder gods released and X-Men and New Mutants slain. I realized that if I altered what had occurred that I could arrange a scenario that should result in the regaining of my bloodstones, the destruction of the elder gods, and incidentally the prevention of most everybody's death". _

_"After I set the plan in motion I mostly just hung around waiting for the plan to reach maturity. I had to remain calm and collected; all was secondary to the goal of regaining my soul and destroying the elder gods. I really only lost control once during the wait. Utopia really had a good entertainment setup, I guess back in the day when it was Asteroid M, home of o'll Mags, that Eric was not really into having to pay for HBO. Turns out Eric had hacked into almost all entertainment broadcasts and had archived them for later potential viewing; we're talking the mother of all TiVOs. Anyway, while I waited I ended up binge watching Buffy the Vampire slayer of all things. Session 6, episodes 1 and 2 had Buffy's friends trying to resurrect Buffy and failing. But it turns out that they did not fail, instead her loving friends had unknowingly left her resurrected and trapped in a coffin 6 feet under ground. No light, no air, no space, screams and pleas unheard and unanswered, left to die. Buffy had to claw her way out of the coffin and dig her way to the surface with broken bloody hands, only to find herself (or so she thinks) in hell being tortured by demons. I lost it, complete flashback, briefly I was unable to distinguish between Buffy and myself. Why had they done that to me, why was this happening to me, why had my friends not saved me? What did I do to deserve this. WHY?. Well, I ended up frying the entire system (Remember the time Utopia suffered an unknown cyber attack, that was me fragging everything around me) screaming to escape". _Author interlude: An inadvertent side affect of Illyana's hysterical banishment spells was the entire archive of "Hello Kitty"' cartoons had their sound tracks randomly (and very inappropriately) replaced with excerpts from the Exorcist (only noticed by Megan who incorrectly thought Illyana was deliberately trying to goad her).

_"Things didn't get much better after I regained my soul. Imprisoned in the X-Brig was mind numbingly boring and nobody came to visit who really wanted to talk to me, just talk at me. I wanted to reach out but I had rather lost the ability at that point. I had done so much timeline travel that everything had become rather detached and I had quite lost the ability to connect with people. Then there was the whole Phoenix Five fiasco and the just recent fun filled romp where the loving brother I brought from the future is now dead (and returned to that same future)". _

_"Before all this, back when we were roomies, you and Peter were the focus that kept me human. I did not want to fail either of you; I did not want to betray your love for me. Things went south on me once I lost both of you, both times it appears"._

Illyana paused for a few seconds and then continued_, "I have a problem seeing the right choices. My instincts are twisted, not as the Darkchilde, but due to what I was and impart still am, demonic. I don't see things clearly from a human, a moral perspective. It's getting clearer, but it's not in demonic nature to ask for help, or to hesitate, or to question the correctness of one's actions. Hurt and avoid hurt, dominance and servitude, desire something so act upon that desire, take what you want whenever you want. Harm just for the fun of it, or even no reason at all. Never ask for help, need is weakness, weakness is punished". _

_"Things have become much clearer recently. I suspect that my soul was not fully integrated but more of an overlay, an outer garment that was slowly integrating with the rest of me. Dormmanu's attempt to end me appears to have forcibly integrated my soul. I think I was layered as it were, then Dormmanu tried to magically implode me with every thing he had. I survived (not really sure how at this point) but my layers, as it were, were all gone. Everything had been crushed together, integrated by forceful compression and mixing. I now found myself afraid and concerned for others, helpless to prevent Dormmanu from killing Eric, Emma, Scott, and the new students we had. Thankfully I was able to overcome Dormmanu and save this new group of X-Men but I found that I had become, well myself in the struggle"._

Illyana sighed,_ "I didn't make the right choices Kitty". I compounded harm with harm. I regained what I wanted only to find it pale and bland of taste. I see now why that was. Yes I triumphed over the elder gods, yes I regained my soul, but I forgot why I wanted my soul back. By then I was estranged from all those I loved or cared about and I didn't know how to fix any of it. Worse I did not feel much like trying". _Lockheed rolled onto his back begging for a good belly scratching while uttering a contented "_Meepe_", Illyana complied while she continued, _"Sorry is a weak word for what I've done, to those around me, to those who cared about me, to those I loved. Working with Dr. Strange is helping; I suppose I had hit some kind of rock bottom after Dormmamu. For the first time in this existence I asked for help, I sought the aid of another, and it was granted (Hmm I wonder if there is a 12 step program for recovering demons)"._

Illyana gestured with her right hand at the statue of Peter._ "The Peter from the future, the one who died today, that Peter loved me, was glad to see me, was happy I was alive, was glad I existed, even after all that I had done to ... everybody. I think that was the first time since ... well ever since _Belasco_ basically raped me into this existence, that I actually felt real love_". Kitty started the word rape, dawning horror at what the word implied on how this Illyana viewed her life and just what really had happened to this Illyana_. I'm not the original Illyana. I'm not the Illyana who would have been if Inferno had not happened. I'm the Illyana that was created against her will and forced into being, the one who was then ... well punished for not being the right Illyana, the one who made all the wrong choices after the choices were made for her, the one who kept being punished for not being the right Illyana. For a long time I did not really think of myself as Illyana, that was Her, but lately I can't see the boundary anymore between Her and I". _

_"Now it's just me. It's the best answer I have"._

_"I miss the friendship we used to have Kitty. I know it's inadequate, but I'm sorry". _

_"Um..."_ Kitty did not know quite what to say. Illyana pulled a protesting Lockheed from her lap and handed him back to Kitty as they both stood. _"I'm glad we had a chance to talk Kitty"_ Illyana said as she dusted bits of gravel off of her costume. "_But I'm not very welcome here and I suspect I need to go before somebody notices. Being eaten twice by the Krakoa is two times too many (shards the breath, now I know how your school keeps the stables clean)". _

Kitty pondered. No hysterics, no theatrics, no apparent crocodile tear, just pain (and I'm rather sure this is actually just the PG version). Not my teenage Yana, but she's not a teenager (and neither am I). Kitty thought about her situation, Lockheed, her students these original young X-Men, and Scott, then she made a choice:

_"Illyana do you think that maybe you could arrange a meeting between Scott and I. I'd like to ..."_


End file.
